Is it bad, my love, that I see death in my wake? Death creeps towards me in the short moments my eyes shut, a blink. I dream, wait no, no. My night dreams are peaceful. It’s the day dreams that horrify me. They want me dead, dear. They want the gun between these lips you said you couldn’t get enough of [but you had enough of]. And they want these fingers you once said you’d never let go of [but you let go of] to pull the trigger. These day dreams, that come and go in the blink of an eye, [the eyes you said you could stare into forever, but now you can’t even meet] they want my blood splattered on the wall.
Should I cave in, love?
I want you. I want you like I want air. If I had a choice, I would stop breathing. Reject it from entering my lungs. If I had a choice, I would stop loving you. Rejected you from the start. But there were so many nights. So much I crave for again, only because I miss you. And our fingers together. But now how can I look at an flowered vase, and not wish to pluck the petals. He loves me, he loves me not.. Your finger print. Every night I wonder if I would survive the fall from my bedroom window. I wonder, and then I wish I wouldn’t. Maybe I’ll just try tonight. No, no, it’ll be better in the morning. What about those eyes of yours. Could you really see inside me like you said? Water in my lungs. Drown me.
Him. You guys randomly start talking on day. He compliments you and tells you you’repretty and cute. He asks you about past relationships and you ask him about his. When you tell him you’ve been hurt multiple times, he tells you that those guys are all jerks and stupid for letting a girl like you go. You then share some more stories about your past and he tells you his. He starts flirting with you and you start flirting back. He asks you for your number and you give it to him right away.
The next day he texts you and tells you good morning and tells you to have a good day. Soon talking to him becomes a daily routine and you wait for him every day to text you. Whenever you receive something from him, you start smiling and your day instantly becomes better. He texts you daily asking how your day went. You talk to him all night and he always asks if you’re tired and if you want to go to bed. The night conversations you have with him are always the best and the deepest. You sleep when he sleeps and he sleeps when you sleep.
Now he wants to meet up and hang out with you. When you meet up with him, you feel even more chemistry with him and you feel butterflies in your stomach every time you talk to him. Now you tell your friends about what an amazing guy he is and you are interested in him. Soon he confesses that he’s interested in you and you tell him that the feeling is mutual. you go on more dates with him and he starts giving you nicknames and calling youbaby. You feel like you’re the happiest girl alive and the feeling is so strong between you guys.
One day, he suddenly stops texting you first. When you guys talk now, it’s only because you hit him up first. Things changed and you don’t understand what unexpectedlyhappened. He stops putting effort talking to you and doesn’t show that he still wants to be with you. You become extremely clingy and you don’t want another girl in the picture. You can’t help but wondering what went wrong. You ask him if anything is wrong and he tells you that everything is fine. Then you start thinking he’s mad at you for something you did, but he assures you that you need to relax and everything’s okay. He tells you that he’s been busy. So you wait for a while and nothing is changing. He’s still “busy” all the time and he doesn’t even try to talk to you. Now every time you talk to him it becomes an argument. And you get scared that you’re being annoying by texting him first, so you stop talking to him.
Months pass, and you don’t talk to him at all. You never know what happened from his point of view. Because of him, every day and night you’re hurt and upset. Because of him, you can’t smile at your reflection, or, on some days, smile at all. Your friends tell you to forget him and that he doesn’t deserve someone like you. But you know it isn’t true. You know that you’re the one who doesn’t deserve someone like him. You miss the old personhe used to be and you don’t even know what he has changed into. And one day you see him.
And you see her with him. You see the new girl. He’s calling her baby, she now has your special nicknames, and now she’s the prettiest girl in the world to him. He seemscompletely fine without you, and now he has someone else to talk to and text and have those late night conversations with. You refuse to believe that he played you, but it was undeniable. You’re still hurting but he’s already moved on.
You’re still sad and everything you do reminds you of him. His name follows you everywhere. He’s in your mind night in and night out, and the tears are unpreventable. You tell yourself you hate him. You do everything in your power to hate him. But you know you don’t. You still secretly hope that one day he’ll start talking to you again and you guys will pick up where you last left off, and he won’t be able to resist you, because you’ll be that girl you were then, not this monster he’s turned you into. You’ll be that sweet, confident, trusting girl. But you know he won’t talk to you. He won’t even look your way. Now, every guy you meet, you compare to him. Now, their sweet talk is meaningless compared to his. He’s forgotten about you, but his presence is still the biggest thing in your life. Sound familiar?
| Normal people: | Will there be food there |
| Bloggers: | Will there be wi-fi there |
you’re just going to be another guy who hurt me. You’re just going to be another bump in the road.
However, this year, this month, this week, this day, this very second, you’re everything I want. You’re everything that’s hurting, aching, and missing.
What am I doing wrong
(Source: hippiesandgypsies)
I know you’ll never see this. Mostly because you don’t care enough to read it. You don’t care at all. But I don’t think you ever honestly did. But maybe that’s just my memory fading. Or maybe it’s me finally getting my head out of the clouds and pushing you off that pedestal I had you on all those months. But I miss you. I miss our silent conversations. I miss sitting around playing with my food, but smiling, because I can’t stop thinking about you, and having the comfort of knowing you’re thinking about me too. I miss sneaking out those autumn nights with the cold breeze in the warm air. We’d drive aimlessly for hours with the top down. It got cold, it always got cold. But we never put the top back up. I hate that everything I do, I do with you in mind. I do it to please you in hopes that you’ll notice. I hate that I can’t talk about you, because they can never know. You’re my secret, and I’ll forever keep you. You’re like a disease that’s cloaked my mind. You’d driven me mad with your words. How you knew all the right things to say. Now you just drive me mad. I have to wonder what I did wrong, even though I know the fault was all yours. Oh, and your name. God, your name. It never had the slightest bit of significance until you came into my life. Now, it’s everywhere. You haunt me. In a crowded room of a hundred people, a million words, your name will rise above the rest. It’ll quietly make it’s way over, and crash into me. It leaves me breathless. God, your name. It feels like waves breaking on the shore. But your memory’s the water and I’m the sand. Coming out of nowhere, at any given time, you’ll capture me and drag me with you to the bottom of the sea. You rise back up, but rock bottom’s my home till another wave carries me back. I’m not even sure what it is I liked about you anymore. Maybe it was just the idea of you I loved the most. Mr. Perfect’s finally arrived. I saw a glimmer of forever in your eyes, and it jumped it’s way over to mine. And our eyes danced with the thought. Our lips locked with a promise. Such a silly thought. Never a more broken promise. But it’s over. I told you it was over. The words were said, sealed with a goodbye. Forever still dances in my eyes. But the Autumn leaves have fallen, and the trees are all bare, and your engraved into my memory as a season.
(Source: hippiesandgypsies)
He sat off to the side of the bed smoking his cigarette. He continuously stole quick glances at her long, soft legs peaking out from underneath the covers. She caught him looking and ran her foot up and down her leg. He was hungry for her. His eyes filled with lust, his brain clouded with need.
She was there for other reasons. Her eyes sparkled with love, her mind giddy with hopeful thoughts and possibilities. Maybe if she finally gave him what he wanted he would return the feeling. Maybe her body was the way to his heart. She took his hand and placed it on her thigh.
He thought this was it. He could finally explore her and feel her. They became one shadow flickering on the wall dancing with the candle’s flame.
She lost herself in him. She lost herself.
(Source: hippiesandgypsies)
