Wanderlust

I know you’ll never see this. Mostly because you don’t care enough to read it. You don’t care at all. But I don’t think you ever honestly did. But maybe that’s just my memory fading. Or maybe it’s me finally getting my head out of the clouds and pushing you off that pedestal I had you on all those months.

But I miss you.

I miss our silent conversations. I miss sitting around playing with my food, but smiling, because I can’t stop thinking about you, and having the comfort of knowing you’re thinking about me too. I miss sneaking out those autumn nights with the cold breeze in the warm air. We’d drive aimlessly for hours with the top down. It got cold, it always got cold. But we never put the top back up.

I hate that everything I do, I do with you in mind. I do it to please you in hopes that you’ll notice. I hate that I can’t talk about you, because they can never know. You’re my secret, and I’ll forever keep you.

You’re like a disease that’s cloaked my mind. You’d driven me mad with your words. How you knew all the right things to say. Now you just drive me mad. I have to wonder what I did wrong, even though I know the fault was all yours.

Oh, and your name. God, your name. It never had the slightest bit of significance until you came into my life. Now, it’s everywhere. You haunt me. In a crowded room of a hundred people, a million words, your name will rise above the rest. It’ll quietly make it’s way over, and crash into me. It leaves me breathless. God, your name.

It feels like waves breaking on the shore. But your memory’s the water and I’m the sand. Coming out of nowhere, at any given time, you’ll capture me and drag me with you to the bottom of the sea. You rise back up, but rock bottom’s my home till another wave carries me back.

I’m not even sure what it is I liked about you anymore. Maybe it was just the idea of you I loved the most. Mr. Perfect’s finally arrived. I saw a glimmer of forever in your eyes, and it jumped it’s way over to mine. And our eyes danced with the thought. Our lips locked with a promise.

Such a silly thought.

Never a more broken promise.

But it’s over. I told you it was over. The words were said, sealed with a goodbye. Forever still dances in my eyes. But the Autumn leaves have fallen, and the trees are all bare, and your engraved into my memory as a season.

(Source: hippiesandgypsies)